November 22, 2012
One of the many famous utterances of Homer Simpson, is that “it’s funny ’cause it’s true”. The same could be said of this spoof article – aside from the idea of sending modern day looters there, which hasn’t been suggested yet by the government, but it doesn’t take too much stretching of the imagination to imagine it happening.
Afterall, how could any modern day obstreperous larrikin hoping to save a couple of hundred pounds on a TV hope to compete with some of the great British looters of old, who are now revered as great adventurers, discoverers and protectors of world history.
The only thing that wouldn’t occur if it happened is people in the government managing to see the irony in the plan.
Looters of Summer 2011 Rehabilitated With Visits to British Museum
By Sir Neil Sloane 4 hours 50 minutes ago
LONDON – England – The Summer of 2011 was notable for the riots across Britain, and the chaos that ensued such riotous looting behaviour. There is some positive news about the people involved in the rioting, as government agencies have rehabilitated over 95% of the looters, sources claim.
“The looters of 2011 are all rehabilitated and cured. It was actually quite a simple operation to cure the majority of the looters and vandals who perpetrated such heinous bouts of rioting during the late Summer 2011. We simply took them on weekly excursions to the British Museum in London to show them that looting is a terrible crime and must be stopped at all costs,” Angela Brinkinstowe, a health worker at the government’s Loot Less Initiative told the Daily Mail.
The weekly visits to the British Museum have successfully curbed the mass looting instincts of the rioters.
Lee Spinks, 23, from Hackney, who was caught looting in the Summer of 2011, was philosophical about the visits to the British Museum: “I was caught looting a flat screen TV. They put me in jail for that, but I see here an ancient Egyptian artefact from Thebes possibly priceless, and I see Ancient Roman and Greek artefacts that are beyond any price tag, and I think to myself, were these objects taken from Coventry or Yorkshire?”
Another former looter said: “Where the hell did all this stuff come from? I’m a mere amateur next to this amount of pilfering. It’s a good thing I’m retired now, I feel truly humbled.”
Next week the ex-looters will have an excursion to the Royal Bank of Scotland building in Central London.
- Rioting & looting – then and now : March 14, 2012
- Looted Iraqi antiquities siezed in Dubai : November 26, 2008
- London riots & the Benin Empire : March 16, 2012
- The Manga, the Museum & the Marbles : March 13, 2012
- Metal detectorists who looted ancient coins in UK given Anti Social Behavious Order : March 7, 2013
- British Museum: “The removal of any material from an archaeological site is damaging” : January 19, 2010
- Christopher Hitchens interview : June 3, 2008
- Operation Syenite will clamp down on looted Afghan artefact trade : October 21, 2008